Story

10th grade - As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was MINE. But she didn't think of me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and I handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tellher, I WANT her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

 

11th grade - The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke herheart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to beALONE, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was MINE. After 1 hour, two Drew Barrymore movies, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I WANT her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

 

Senior year - The day before prom she walked to my locker. "Mydate is sick" she said; "he's not going to go." I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we DID. Prom night, after EVERYTHING was over, I was standing at her front door step! I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she doesn't think of me like that, and I KNOW it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I WANT her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

 

Graduation Day - A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as herperfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be MINE, but she didn't think of me like that, and Iknew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I WANT her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

 

A Few Years Later - Now I SIT in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be MINE, but she didn`t see me like that, and I knew it. But before she droveaway, she came to me and said "You came!". She said "thanks" andkissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I WANT her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Funeral - YEARS passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had WROTE in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was MINE, but he doesn't think of me likethat, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to KNOW that I don't want to be just friends, I LOVE him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wished he would tell me he LOVED me! I wish I did too... I thought to MYSELF, and I cried.

How sad is that? It really makes you rethink not telling someone that you love them....I'm kinda like that girl. that died...

Wow, one whole more post! Today was particularly interesting....my two best friends spilled macaroni all over the cafeteria floor. Mostly because one of them (let's call her...Veronica and the other Cassidy). Well Veronica made a mistake at getting this really annoying and loud kid mad at Cassidy's boyfriend for no reason. So, Cassidy decided to spill Veronica's mac and cheese all over the floor. The whole time I sat there in numbing silence, because I noticed they fight alot. They forgave each other easily, but I wouldn't have. That's just me though. 

My throat is KILLING me! I feel like my tonsils are so swollen I can barely breathe, badness I know. Well whatever, I'll just take Motrin or something. *five minutes later....* I took the Motrin, and it's helping! 

Hmph. Anything to report? I feel unusually depressed today, though I can barely talk. I'm thankful that I can't talk, just because. Maybe I'll become a mute or something, and not talk ever. Nah, that'd be difficult to communicate with teachers. But does it really matter? I'm lonely anyways, what's the use of talking to my best friends about it? They don't realize it, though I've told them that I've been sad. Once or twice. They haven't taken into account that I meant depressed. I'm not on pills or whatever, because it's not bad. I don't wanna kill myself, oh hell no do I. I'm just lonely in life, that's all. 

I found a good song! It's by Brand New, and it's really good. The song is called, The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot. Such a long title, I know. But it's sooo good! Reminds me of Bella Swan and Edward Cullen from Twilight. Yes, I'm one of those girls who's majorly obsessed with Twilight, I've read the first book ten times. Back on track, this song's just awesome ^_^ 

I'm a total music junkie, so many songs to listen to on itunes! I have 1,000 exact, which is a lot to some people. Others? Well, others just think of it has 1/4 of their collection. Oh well though, it's a lot to me. Music is really my own escape from the world besides writing. If someone ever saw me out in public, there'd be an Ipod glued into my ears, blasting some band my friends haven't even heard of before. My other escape? Writing. By the way, I wrote another poem! I need more ideas, anyone wanna help in that department? This ones about roses again. 

He hands me one rose.

A single crimson rose.

It had no thorns, just velvet petals. 

I examine the veins of the leaf it owns,

almost pulsing like human life. 

The color of it’s petals, 

almost the color of blood. 

The bud hasn’t yet opened all the way,

and now will never be able to since it was picked. 

Like a human life taken too early.

I examine the little hairs throughout the stem,

almost human arm hairs. 

There’s beads of liquid on the beautiful flower,

as water starts to pour from the sky. 

It was almost like the sweat of a human. 

It sticks to the flower, 

not dripping until,

there’s just enough to drench it. 

When I look at a rose,

I think of the flower as a human.

Every rose has been a human,

one time in its lifetime.

Today: 2-3-09

Ever realize that when your sick, you can't really think straight? I'm sick today, and having the snow falling outside my window like a huge sheet of white isn't helping much. My house doesn't have any heat (thanks to recession) so I'm bundled up in blankets. My throat hurts. It aches and burns, nothing can soothe it. And then my cough! I'm not going to even go there. My friend's ended up on not getting the homework for me...nice friends...I know. 

There's this girl who talks to me, she's a grade lower than me. No one likes her, she's the most annoying girl ever. And yet she thinks she's so completely cool. She's not. So here she comes into my world, my bubble, and dares to tell me who I am like. I'm not like anyone, I have a mixture of people's attitudes for sure. And to make it seem like I'm like some of her friends, she acts like me, dresses like me, etc. It's so fuckin' annoying, I can't stand it! Every time I get something new, she has it. Every time I say something, she starts saying it. I have been writing poems for awhile, and now recently she started writing poems too. That reminds me! I want peoples to view this and tell me if it's good or not. I sooo suck at writing, I know. But since I'm sick, I wrote this poem: 

A rose.
I see a very red rose the color of blood.
It sits there,
in my garden,
mocking me with its beauty.
It’s so beautiful,
is that what I’m missing in my life?
Perfection?
It seems to laugh at me in all its virtuousness.
I reach for the rose,
wanting to feel the velvet petals.
But when I touch it,
thorns come out.
They jab me everywhere,
blood spilling on the ground.
The earth bleeds,
yet I continue reaching for it.
Then I realize the rose that was supposedly red,
has turned black.
Goodbye cruel world. 

How's it sound? I like it sort of, though it sucks. So basically that's my issues summed up for today. Tomorrow I'm sure they'll be more that bug the hell outta me.